If you know anything about me, then you know that when it comes to television, you’ll find no bigger fan than yours truly.
There’s nothing about TV that I don’t like: I love the shows (obvi), I love the plot twists, I love commercials (not joking, like, seriously am OBSESSED with them). I think television is an incredible lens into the American culture and everything we both desire and admire, not to mention, weirdly points out all of our terrible the stereotypes we hold and exposes our weaknesses. TV is a magical genie, essentially.
So, almost quite obviously, that means I have a major opinion about everything on TV. And it doesn’t matter if you want to hear it or not – I’m gonna spurt it out like word vomit.
Last Thursday was the Grey’s Anatomy mid-season finale – and I have I got some word vomit for you!
The finale was accurately named “Stand Up and Take It,” because we saw a ton of characters finally growing a backbone and asking for what they deserve. FINALLY.
It opens with Cristina in a press conference attempting to describe the unlikely success of her surgery on the tiny baby. While she struggles, Intern Shane decides this is a prime time to bust into the middle of the conversation and proclaim the surgery a “homerun!”
Calm down, home skillet.
After Cristina suggests that he actually close his eyes for longer than a blink, he suggests that they go “blow off some steam” in the on-call room. As per usual, men are clueless.
Meanwhile, Bailey is still aboard the struggle bus with her OCD, but has started taking her medicine in efforts to control it, and Owen is trumping around the entire hospital, demanding from everyone that they attend April’s wedding.
Intern Leah is still insanely whiney about Arizona dumping her. I’m more than ready for her story line to end, or even her character to die (of course, with all of the drama of a normal Grey’s Anatomy death – by ferry crash, electrocution, wild shooter in the hospital, even a plane crash… I wouldn’t be picky at this point). Does anyone like her? Intern Leah’s friends attempt to essentially get her to shut up, but it fails. She continues being crazy.
In true Grey’s Anatomy form, no one is safe from disaster and they literally aim to rip out your heartstrings every episode. A child is brought in by his distraught father after he is accidentally run over by the tractor, and it is pretty soon determined by Alex that the boy is most likely paralyzed because his father picked him up instead of waiting for the ambulance. Heart officially ripped out.
Tension between Cristina and Meredith is LITERALLY MOUNTING at this point. Mer has just finished working on one of her dead sheep when Yang and photographers come in to grab some photos of Cristina looking all successful. Meredith takes obvious personal offense because OBVIOUSLY Cristina just wants to hurt her.
I could slice through the awkward with my karate chop hands. Plus, it hurts, deep in my heart and soul. Every time they are together and arguing, or worse, awkwardly not speaking, some part inside of me dies a slow and painful death. It’s like watching the plane crash episodes all over again.
April shows up at the hospital all crazy eyed and with her hair in crazy rollers. Typical for your wedding day, right? Of course, nothing could prevent a wierdly intamite encounter with Jackson because, honestly, that’s all that happens between them. I don’t even really listen to their conversations anymore because the only thoughts going through my head while Jackson is speaking is “DAYUM!” But essentially, April wants to make sure Jackson is coming and Jackson, of course, can’t resist.
One of the only constants in Grey’s is Bailey, and her OCD has left me out to dry, weeping for her to return. And finally, she] is getting back to her old self – when faced with a patient who has had more than 300 surgeries in his life, she uses her brilliant brain and cutting edge medicine to figure out to growing her own tumors to save the patient! AWESOME. Plus, she gets her sassy face back. Of course, Intern Leah (AKA Intern Whiney) decides that this isn’t Grey’s Anatomy, it’s Leah’s Anatomy and everything is about her. She complains about Bailey not doing any surgeries, and Bailey tells her she can take on the patient’s final surgery – but not without a foreboding sassy face.
Jackson and Intern Steph receive a patient that has stanky breath, because he somehow has a sack in his throat that is saving food there for later. Delicious! After Jackson warns them of the potential risks (AKA foreshadowing that bad shit is gonna happen), the patient decides that now is the time to tell his wife about how she looks fat in the purple dress (ouch!), hates her brother, and that she has a FINE ass. Get it, gurl!
In another corner of the hospital, Derek is getting schmoozed for his brain mapping consulting. Pushy lawyers are literally salivating at the mouth for the chance of Derek joining their team, and he’s essentially like, “Lay off, bro!” Not interested. PS: Baby Grey is killer adorable.
In Daddy-Issues Land, Alex visits his father. He bounces between sentimental memories (“remember that time we went to the fair?”) to typical angry Alex shouting (“HOW COULD YOU FORGET ABOUT US YA DICK!”). It gets pretty hardcore, actually.
“I WAS THE DAD! I was a kid, but I was the dad,” Alex says. “You were nothing! You were gone! You were worthless.”
Finally, in some grace of God, April gets both Mer and Cristina to drop being doctors for a bit and finally try on their bridesmaids dresses. And then they talk… and EVERYTHING IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD AGAIN. It’s beautiful. Mer is actually listening and Cristina is spilling her heart. She even goes as far as to say that she misses Mer (essentially). And then… all goes to shit again. Mer gets crazy from nowhere and calls Cristina arrogant. This is the worst moment of my life. It’s like mom and dad fighting – MAKE THE MADNESS STOP. Plus… how awkward do those seamstresses feel right now?
Back to Derek – these lawyer guys seriously want him and want to give him money. After a well-played butt joke (well done, Derek!), he has one of the best Grey’s Anatomy quotes of all time (seriously, don’t argue with me), “You’re looking at a planet, I’m saying step back and look at the universe. You don’t kiss someone by puckering your lips, you see someone and remember why you desire them your sympathetic nervous system quickens your pulse, your frontal lobe lowers your inhibition and you need to kiss them, it happens all at once, both compulsive and impulsive
BOOM. Romance and science all together, which is basically what Grey’s Anatomy’s thesis would be if it were a research paper.
Jackson and Intern Steph are about to start surgery on smelly-breath patient, and they’re wondering what the last thing the patient said to his wife was. They tease a little bit about their shortcomings, which reminds Jackson of something Sloan (RIP McSteamy) once said, “Say it loud and go from there,” he says more firmly. “Something Mark Sloan said to me once. If you love somebody, you tell ’em, even if you’re scared.”
Welp. If that ain’t a foreshadowing, I don’t know what is.
If that doesn’t do it for ya, April runs into her soon-to-be husband in the hospital. BAD LUCK PEOPLE. But seriously – why are all of you in the hospital on your wedding day?! Get outta here!
We find out that Intern Shane has been cheating on his hours, hence, his craziness all around the hospital. Seriously, slow it down bro, you’re cray. Except he doesn’t. I literally typed this while watching, “SHANE IS ACTUALLY CRAZY, HE HAS A BAT MAN VOICE, HE IS PSYCHO.” He decides that he needs to repair a patient without any attendings (AKA real doctors), and royally screws the patient up – who is ALEX’S dad. Thank god, Intern Leah runs and gets help in the form of Dr. Webber, who shows us exactly why we continue to love him. Deliriously, Intern Shane sort of admits to kinda-causing Intern Brooks’ death.
Then we’re at the wedding! Except, you know that weird cliche that the wedding is all about the bride?
HAHA. Nope. First it’s all about Arizona – seriously, she bothers me almost as much as Intern Leah right now. She’s getting all weepy about Callie driving her crazy because she knew her before she lost her leg, and wants to be with someone who only sees her for her new fake leg? Confusing. Essentially, she doesn’t think Callie makes her feel good about who she is.
This one is all about Mer and Cristina, who have continued their fight in April’s presence (much to her dismay). The heart of the argument comes out here: just because Mer is a mother doesn’t mean she isn’t as good of a doctor, and likewise, just because Cristina doesn’t have a family doesn’t mean she’s invincible. Their argument turns into some weird compliment battle, which I’m half okay with.
Finally, April grows a backbone and demands the attention on her wedding day. “Super neat you worked things out! I should be flounced and fluffed up!” Owen comes and tells her she looks beautiful, and the wedding is saved. Thanks, Owen.
Alex and Jo makeout at the wedding – I’ve seriously missed that. I love that relationship. And then Alex kinda has a beautiful speech for Jo about being together forever, and kids and how he’ll be a great dad. It’s a touching moment.
The wedding ceremony FINALLY starts (it has been the longest day), and Derek gets a call.
Casually, FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. I don’t even know what else to say.
First hint of troubs during the ceremony: when everyone must say that they will love and support eh couple, Jackson doesn’t say “We will.”
And then, when the priest asks if anyone opposes the marriage, he stands up… and says nothing. He sits back down.
And then he stands BACK UP, and delivers this beaut: “April, I love you,” said Jackson. “I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I don’t like, I love. And I want you with me. I love you, and I think that you love me too…. Do you?” as we hear in the background, the perfectly ironic and perfectly timed song, “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”
And then the epic closing voiceover, “Failure is inevitable. Unavoidable. But failure should never get the last word. You have to not take no for an answer, and take what’s coming to you. Never give in. Never give up. Stand up and take it.”
What did you think of the Grey’s Anatomy midseason finale?!